Birthday Tradition
by burningdarkfire
Summary: It wouldn't be a proper birthday week if they didn't have to spend time hunting down England and France.  Oneshot.  NA brothers' birthday shenanigans.


It had become something of a tradition.

America took a deep breath, hand posed to push open the door. "Are you ready?"

"Can't be any worse than the time we found them pole-dancing stark naked, right?" Canada asked desperately.

America groaned. "Don't say that, Mattie! Those are famous last words!"

"Right. Sorry."

"Okay, I'm going in!" America threw open the door and charged in, right hand raised and hovering over his face in case he saw something he wasn't meant to see. "Mattie, I don't see them!"

He heard a sigh behind him and Canada batted aside his hand to point at England and France right in front of him. England looked like he passed out long ago, his face meeting the bar countertop in a way that couldn't possibly be comfortable. France was hiccupping and swaying slightly next to him, murmuring to himself in French and drinking wine out of something that was better described as a mug than a glass.

"What's he saying?" America approached France warily, but the other nation paid him no attention. He leaned in closer to listen, but couldn't make out any words past _Mathieu _and _rosbif _and _mignon_. "Mattie, I think he's talking about you."

Canada sighed and rubbed his temples for a moment before looking at America. "Same as usual?"

"I can't tell," America said, frowning. He leaned in further, but lost his balance on a bottle cap that somehow made its way under his foot. With a startled yelp, he fell forward and crashed straight into France.

"_Angleterre_!" France yelled, falling off of his bar stool and just barely lurching to his feet. "_Pas Mathieu_! Your scones, you will kill him!"

"We're leaving," Canada decided firmly, grabbing France's arm as he flailed it around. "Let's go."

America was about to protest having to carry England when he noticed the bartender heading in their direction, a frown on his face. He quickly slung England over his shoulder and motioned for Canada to lead the way out. "Come on, I'd rather not have to explain this to anyone."

"Should we just take them home?" Canada asked doubtfully once they were outside. He winced as France tried to kiss the side of his neck and ended up instead licking it like a dog. "Or at least out of public, right now?"

"We'll take them to your house and put them to bed," America said. "Remember last time when they tried to deal with their hangovers by themselves?"

"Right." Canada grimly dug in his pocket for his cellphone. "I would rather not have to deal with putting out several hotels on fire again, so let me just ring up a taxi."

"Calling to get a taxi," America snorted, plopping down on the curb and setting England down not too gently beside him. "How long is it going to take?"

Canada made an impatient hand motion at him and he stopped talking. After a few moments, he hung up and looked back at America. "A taxi will be here in 10 minutes."

"In the meantime," America said brightly, plunging his hand into his pocket. "I think I brought a marker with me today, and since -"

"You're not drawing on either of their faces," Canada said firmly, sitting down beside his brother and coaxing France to sit quietly as well. "I don't want to have to clean either of – gah, France!"

France crawled into Canada's lap and wrapped his legs around his waist. With what sounded like a content purr, he nuzzled into Canada's neck and promptly fell asleep.

"At least he's not causing any damage," America snickered in amusement.

"What about me?" Canada groaned, looking down at France in dismay.

"Hey, you have your drunk nation to take care of and I have mine." America pointed at England sprawled out on the pavement behind them.

"We should switch next year," Canada suggested. "See if you like having France crawl all over you all the time."

"Oh come on, better than England trying to kill me if he's still conscious by the time we find them!" America said, jokingly indignant.

Finally, the taxi arrived. In a mess of tangled limbs, Canada and America managed to get the two older nations in the car and with seatbelts on before climbing in themselves. When America raised an eyebrow at the address Canada gave the taxi driver, his brother just shrugged.

"Remember when we took them to my townhouse nearly a decade ago and they smashed all the windows and nearly made the neighbors call the police? I figured it would be a better idea to take them out of the way."

The rest of the ride passed in relative silence, until they pulled up in front of what appeared to be a dirt trail in the middle of the forest. Canada handed the taxi driver his money and it took them another good ten minutes to haul France and England out of the taxi.

"Race you there!" America said cheerfully, taking off down the path with England in his arms.

Canada let out a groan and ran after him, trying not to jostle France too much. "At least wait until – Alfred!"

"_Mathieu_," France muttered into his ear and Canada nearly stumbled over a root. He made it to the house without any further incident and unlocked the door for Alfred. In the distance, they could hear a bunch of voices whooping and laughing in celebration.

"Let's put them to bed before anything else happens," Canada said hurriedly, brushing past America for the stairs. "I think France is starting to wake up."

"Right." America paused to readjust his grip on England, who stirred and mumbled something incomprehensible.

"What're you doing?" England slurred, looking up at America. Within a few moments, he seemed to recognize the face and scowled fiercely. "'S you!"

"Shhh," America said, glancing over at Canada with a panicked look on his face. "Go back to sleep."

"Like hell I'm going back to sleep because someone who's barely more than a child tells me to," England snarled, struggling until America put him down. "No way!"

"_Rosbif, _I was having a pleasant dream until I heard your voice," France complained without opening his eyes. "I dreamt that _Mathieu _was all grown up and carrying me in his arms because he loves his dear _papa _so much."

Canada hastily dumped France on the floor.

France blinked and stared up at Canada. "Ahhh. Mathieu has abandoned me once more."

"Shut it, frog," England growled. "No one here cares about your problems."

"So mean," France wailed, making his way over to England and draping an arm over his shoulder. "Are we not in the same position? Our precious little _bébés_ have abandoned us!"

"We haven't -" Canada began, but England talked right over him.

"I remember, back in our day," England sniffed, shaking a finger at America. "Elders were treated with a lot more respect."

"Oh come on, Iggy, it's not like -" America said in exasperation before France cut in.

"Look at them," France sniffed, waving his hand around. "All grown up now and thinking they know all there is to know about the world."

"They don't know a thing," England said disdainfully. "Back when I still sailed the seven seas -"

"Why don't we all just go to bed?" Canada suggested.

"Well." England blinked at America in confusion before he thought to look in Canada's direction. "I'm certainly not taking any orders from you, young man."

"Come on," Canada said cajolingly. He took a small step forward and traded glances with America. _On three_, he mouthed.

But it was too late. With an exuberant cry of "Never! _Vive la France libre_!", France took off out the door, dragging England spluttering along with him, and disappeared into the trees.

"Should we go after them?" America asked, peering out into the dark forest.

"You'll never find us!" Came the faint shout.

Canada sighed, gesturing at America to lead the way. "Let's go."

"It's just like hide-and-seek!" America said brightly, stomping through the undergrowth. "Remember when we used to play this all the time? Oh, and the four of us have played it together before too, right?"

Canada smiled. "That was hundreds of years ago. Besides, it really wasn't that fun."

"Sorry about all of those times I gave up looking for you," America said guiltily. "You're too good at hiding, and you're too good at seeking to not hide!"

"Heh. Kumakitou was a big help if I promised him a nice meal after."

"I still think that was cheating," America pouted.

"Not cheating, really, more like -"

There was a crashing sound and curse from somewhere ahead of them.

"I found them!" America shouted, barging on through the forest with Canada trailing close behind.

Canada surveyed the two older nations with a disapproving look. "Did you two enjoy running around the forest in the dark?"

England rubbed his head ruefully while France tried to disentangle his coat from the bush.

"We're going back to the house, and then you two are going to clean yourselves up and go straight to bed afterwards," Canada said sternly, motioning for America to help him help the two of them to their feet. It was usually best to be firm with these two when they were drunk.

"Not the boss of me," England mumbled, leaning on America. "Don't want to."

"Go," Canada ordered.

The four of them slowly made their way back to the house, Canada and America picking England and France up every time they stumbled or fell.

* * *

><p>"<em>Mathieu<em>," France whined, and Canada snapped his head up in horror.

"You are dripping on my carpet," he said slowly, inwardly wailing at the thought of having to somehow clean all the soapy water that France was getting all over the place. "Please go back in the washroom and finish taking your bath."

"I want you with me like when you were younger," France said, holding his arms out. "_Viens au Papa, Mathieu!_"

"Just go," Canada sighed. "I can give you a hug later when you're dry and clean."

France frowned but left. Canada winced at each new footprint as he squelched his way back into the washroom.

* * *

><p>"No! Stay!" America yelped, brandishing the toothbrush at England. "What are you doing?"<p>

"I was a pirate once," England scoffed, splashing water everywhere. "I know what I'm doing."

"Do you need me to brush your teeth for you or something, old man?" America taunted.

England snatched the toothbrush from him with a huff. "I am perfectly capable, thank you very much!"

America left the washroom with a small triumphant smirk.

* * *

><p>"<em>Mathieu<em>," France said again, and Canada tried not to bash his head against the wall.

"Go to sleep," he replied yet again, and maybe it came out as more of a grumpy growl than he would have liked. "Please," he added desperately.

"I want a good night kiss!"

Canada groaned but got up from his seat and walked over to the bed. He leaned down to give France a quick peck on the cheek.

"Aha!" France quickly looped his arms around Canada's neck and tugged him down on to the bed, rearranging them both so that he could hug Canada's waist. "_Bon nuit, Mathieu_."

Canada buried his face in the pillow in exasperation.

* * *

><p>"Why am I going to sleep before you?" England demanded, throwing the covers off the bed. "You're the younger one."<p>

"Shouldn't you be, I don't know," America waved his hand around, "setting an example for me?"

England frowned at him. "You'll come to me if you have a nightmare or need something during the night?"

"Of course," America said soothingly. "I know I can always rely on you."

England gave an affirmative nod. "You bet you can. Even if you're a backstabbing, rebellious child, I'm willing -"

"Good night," America said hastily before turning off the lights and shutting the door.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, Canada finally managed to pry apart France's hands and slip out of the room.<p>

"That wasn't so bad," America said tiredly when Canada walked into the kitchen.

"I think I almost prefer the pole dancing and setting hotels on fire," Canada replied, joining his brother on the counter. "At least then they're not acting like five year old brats. I feel like a babysitter."

"They probably had to deal with our five year old brattiness all the time," America said with a small laugh. "I remember never wanting to go to sleep."

"And I hated taking baths alone," Canada reminisced with a chuckle.

They shared a few moments of silence before Canada leaned his head against his brother's shoulder. "Happy early birthday, Alfred."

"Happy late birthday, Mattie," America replied, tilting his head to rest against Canada's. "We survived another year."

"And we'll be here for many more to come."

"And hopefully one day the two of them can stop drinking themselves into varying degrees of craziness."

"I'll be worried if either of them stops drinking."

"I think I would almost miss the excitement of hunting them down on July 2nd."

"Wouldn't miss the occasional and unfortunate sights we've seen, though."

"Remember the time with the cat and bunny ears?"

"Don't remind me, please."

"Hey, and remember when …"

* * *

><p><strong>AN** - Happy Canada Day and Happy Independence Day!

Drunkenness = excuse for random OOC-ness so that I could reverse the parent/child roles in the FACE family =)


End file.
